


The Salt and Pepper Diner

by Joanne_Barcia



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Comedy, Gen, john mulaney - Freeform, what's new pussy cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 00:22:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3188789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joanne_Barcia/pseuds/Joanne_Barcia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Probably (definitely) the stupidest thing I've written to date. Jim and Bones find a jukebox in a diner, and everyone inside is probably going to hate them in about ten minutes. 400 words. I'm not funny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Salt and Pepper Diner

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I'm pretty sure this is the stupidest thing I've ever written. Inspired by a tumblr post about the John Mulaney comedy skit called - you guessed it - "The Salt and Pepper Diner." (You can find the post here: http://nokitsunes.tumblr.com/post/105843051627) It's also called "What's New Pussycat" in some places. Watch the video here, preferably before you read: http://www.cc.com/video-clips/plvv4v/comedy-central-presents-what-s-new-pussycat 400 words. Enjoy.

"Jim, this is idiotic."

And if the captain heard even a word of what the doctor was saying, he didn't show it. His eyes stayed glued to the screen in front of him, and McCoy's hand on his arm, in a passive attempt to guide him away from the machine, was far from enough to break his focus.

"Jim –"

"Ah, shut up, Bones, this is going to be great."

" _Unbelievable_ , you are… how many times are you going to punch that damn song in?"

Kirk glances once at the sign above the jukebox and throws a big, toothy grin his friend's way, deciding that, "Well, it's three plays for a credit, right? Therefore…" before shoving a few more coins through the slot and continuing to input a few more repeat commands.

" _Seven_ credits, are you serious? Twenty one plays of –"

"It's gonna be _great_ , Bones, just _watch_."

And McCoy did watch, muttering quietly under his breath as Jim kept typing and typing, the captain's fingers moving like lightning over the holographic keys. And finally, with a heavy sigh that seemed indicative of his exasperated disbelief, the doctor tapped on his best friend's shoulder and mumbled quietly into his ear with a seriousness in his voice that forced Jim to finally glance his way for more than a second.

"Hey, wait," McCoy said, hesitating only slightly. The hint of mischief in his tone was small enough so Jim could only hear it if he leaned in and listened extra carefully. "Before you punch in another What's New Pussycat… let's drop in _one_ It's Not Unusual…."

The booming laugh that Jim let out made him smile wide, and he was rewarded with a slap to the back of his shoulder.

"Bones, you are a _genius!"_ the man giggled before doing as he was told, and only another minute passed before Tom Jones' most irritating hit was set to play, over and over. And over. And over, with just a small interruption by yet another Tom Jones classic. God, the entire restaurant was going to absolutely _hate_ them for this, and with good reason.

And with more than a few of the restaurant workers eyeing them with suspicion, they took their seats, ordered, and waited. In just a few more seconds, the afternoon would go from good to great as the jukebox started to play.

And the song began _very_ subtly…


End file.
